On Letting Go

“Forgiveness isn't necessarily a religious practice, it is a mental health requirement.” — Toheeb Bisiriyu.

We all make mistakes and suffer the consequences. Sometimes, the consequences of other people’s actions affect us gravely; the funniest part is that they might not know it. They just move on like nothing happened.

Even when that happens, you still have to forgive them. You don’t have to wait until they apologise before you forgive. And even when your actions and inactions make you miss out on something important, forgive yourself and let go. As previously stated, Forgiveness isn't necessarily a religious practice, it is a mental health requirement.

I lost my Dad at 6 and my mum waited 6 years before she got involved with another man. I’ve talked a bit about my stepdad in one of my letters. You can check it here.

Let me take you down my memory lane. I’ve always been a smart kid and in my secondary school, I was the best. However, there was a difference between Junior secondary school Oladapo and Senior Secondary school Oluwadamilare. What was the difference? Change of school.

In my JSS days, we had the best teachers who were passionate and intentional about teaching. We did 3 tests each term; 3rd week, 6th week, and 9th week. If you are a serious student and you score 9/10 on one of the tests for any subject, you’ll start panicking because about 7 students would have scored 10/10 already.

The competition was very tight and real. We read like our lives depended on it. All through my JSS days, even though I never came out as second best, the margin was always so little. Whenever our principal signs our report card, he looks at me and tells me to keep my head straight.

He warned me that I might become the second best if I didn't. It never happened though, but it created a mindset of more in me. And the competitive environment made me do more.

After my Basic Education Certificate Examination (BECE) exam, I was already living with my stepdad. When my mum discussed my school fees and all with him, he suggested that my mum change my school to a public school. “After all, kids that attended public schools also make it in life”, he said.

My mum didn’t ask him to bring a dime to pay for the school fee or any other thing. He was just being a/an (I don’t know the word to use).

Thank God for my aunt who convinced my mum to not change my school to a public school. She already made up her mind after my stepdad’s suggestion and then came up with some excuses to justify it.

The proprietor of the school even proposed that he would pay half of my tuition fee till I graduate for my mum to let me stay there but she didn't agree. Well, it's what it is.

Long story short, I got to the new private school and I became a local champion. I was used to competition so I studied hard as always only to see how much of a gap was between myself and other students.

That made me relent and just score what I could score. Because regardless of my score, I was still the best student. I stopped paying school fees at SSS1 because out of 15 subjects, I was best in 14.

So, the proprietor didn't know what to give me. He just told me to stop paying school fees. I wished my mum hadn't attended the end-of-the-session party though, that would have been FREE money for me.

It took writing UTME for me to know how far I'd fallen. I didn't even realise it after I saw the result because most of the people we wrote together were in the same score range.

It wasn't until my friends from my former school started calling me and asking about my score that I knew something had happened to me. When I heard their scores, I instantly realised how far I'd fallen.

At that time, I blamed my stepdad. Because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have scored that low. But over time when I forgave him & let go, I realised that I had played a part in my failure too.

One of the things forgiveness does for you is to make you realise that it's your fault as much as the fault of the people you're blaming.

I could have read more. I could have prepared better. I could have still maintained the standard I was used to in my former school. I could have done a thousand other things but unforgiveness hindered me from seeing my fault in the matter.

It was not until I forgave him and let go that my eyes opened. And at the end of the day, all things worked together for good.

Because if I hadn't gone through all that, I might not have met the people who helped nurture my writing skill and fanned it to flame. This newsletter might not exist. You might not have met me.

So, what's that hurt you’ve been holding on to? What's that mistake you're refusing to forgive or let go of? Is it your mistake or someone else’s? I say to you today, forgive and let go. You can forgive and maintain boundaries.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you don't forgive people because they deserve it, you forgive people because it's a good thing and you deserve all the good things in life.

Till when next I write to you

Stay Strategic About Your View Of Life.