Give People Grace
Trust me, it's the least you can do
I used to be very close to P. We visited each other often, and I would sometimes leave her hostel late at night. Our friendship was completely platonic, but we were truly close. Over time, life got busy, and we stopped talking. Days became weeks, and weeks became months.
One random day while playing FIFA Mobile, I felt the urge to check on her. I sent a message and waited. When she did not reply for days, I assumed she was just forming hard girl because we had not spoken in a while.
When she finally responded, she asked how I was doing. I was about to tease her for replying late when I saw her typing. I waited for her message, and behold, the message she sent shocked me.
She told me she had lost her mum. I knew how close they were, so I understood how painful it must have been. Meanwhile, I had been assuming she was ignoring me when in reality she was dealing with something heavy. After hearing the news, I tried to support her in the best way I could.
Something similar happened with my friend D. She visits from time to time, and it is usually fun having her around. Before travelling home, we agreed she would come around when I returned. When I came back and asked if a certain day worked, she said no and promised to update me. Her tone felt cold, and I immediately assumed she did not want to come around anymore and just didn’t know how to tell me.
Later, when we talked properly, she explained that her mum had been having health issues, and she needed to be at home. I felt bad because all along I thought she was avoiding me. I did not consider that her reasons might have nothing to do with me.
These experiences taught me to give people grace. Everyone is dealing with something, and life has different phases, each with its own challenges. Even people who care about you still have responsibilities, stresses and personal battles you may know nothing about.
These experiences and more have taught me to actually give people grace. To cut them some slack. Because we’re all human and life is in phases. And each phase comes with its own challenges. As much as they love you and want to be there for you, they also have other things going on in their lives. Other people they have to be there for.
Life is fucking everyone hardcore. Permit my choice of words, but I think that’s what it’s doing. While “I am going through a lot” should not become an excuse for treating others badly, it is important to remember that not everyone has the strength or clarity to communicate what they are facing. Sometimes people are not distant because of you; they are simply trying to survive something you cannot see.
So please, give people grace. I have had a difficult year myself, and it has affected how present I can be for others, even when I genuinely want to be. These experiences have shown me that everyone is dealing with their own struggles, even if they never say it out loud.
This is why it is important to value and appreciate the people who still make time for you. If someone shows up for you despite everything happening in their own life, it is not something to take for granted.
I will end with the words of Philo of Alexandria: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”
Till when next I write to you,
Stay Strategic About Your View Of Life
PS: I want to say a special thank you to everyone. It’s been months since I last sent out a letter, yet you all stayed, and the number of subscribers has even grown. I appreciate the support more than you know. I’m hoping to hit 1,000 subscribers with this newsletter. Thank you for being here.